The Big Ultrasound 11-17-09

I just never get tired of seeing our baby!!! Today was the big ultrasound, the anatomy scan. They take a crazy amount of measurements-most of the time we couldn't even tell what we were looking at, lol. But when we did get to see Peanut as a whole, it was so awesome. And it's confirmed-we're having a GIRL!!!! We already were told it was probable, but it was still a big YAY! to get confirmation. She's just as cute as ever. It's crazy to look at her the last couple times. Since there's no real fat built up yet, you can see the bones so clear. It's amazing to stare at her spine! The tech said they didn't measure the length of the body-which I thought was odd. So I don't know how long she is at this point, but she was measuring around 12 ounces. Almost a pound! Wooh! The doctor said she was measuring on target and everything looked good right now. He through me through a loop though because he turned the subject to my diabetes and how he didn't think my sugars were where he'd ideally want them to be. I'm like...what!?!?!?!? I'm 5 months pregnant, I fax my sugars to my endocrinologist weekly. Why am I just NOW getting new goals. It was kind of scary to me, knowing the complications my diabetes can contribute to. I felt like he was setting me up for bad news. But he assured me that Peanut is doing just fine, so I guess he was just being diligent, being he's a high risk doc. But I'll tell you, my A1c, which is a 3 month average of blood sugar, has been ideal. The doctor's wanted it at at 6.5 before I could get pregnant. My last one was a 5.5! I just can't see how my sugars could be hurting the baby when I think they've been pretty damn good! I do struggle with my fasting numbers in the morning though, and regardless, I'm going to talk to my endocrine to make sure we're all on the same page.

I had an appt. with the OB's office tonight (the ultrasound was at the hospital's Maternal Fetal Unit). Typical appointment. You sit in the waiting room for 45 minutes for a 5 minute meet and greet with the doctor, lol. He did find peanut's heartbeat with the doppler, and told me she sounded really happy I guess he could hear her wiggling around and her heartbeat was great. That brought a smile to my face. I've gained 6lbs so far, which I don't think is too bad for being 20weeks.

Here's our beautiful baby girl!

Oh boy I've fallen behind!!!

Wow, I'm a total slacker It's been 2 months since I've given a Peanut update, I'm so sorry for being so horrible.

I think our little one has made it so easy for me to slack off, since this has been such an event free pregnancy so far. I've skipped all the bad stuff-no morning sickness, no heartburn (yet), no (tmi) constipation. I've just been a happy, sometimes moody, preggo. It's still hard to believe, really surreal, I keep waiting for the ball to drop. I'm so excited to be a mother, and I'm reminded more and more the closer we get to the holidays. I can't wait to bring Santa back to life through my child's eyes!! I just can't wait to hold our baby in my arms.

Week 13 started a little eventful for me. As far as I'm concerned, it began my 2nd trimester, so that was a great feeling. I found the baby's heartbeat at home with my doppler, yay!!! I had a little scare that week. I hadn't been feeling well, so I decided to take a day off on 9/30. I noticed I was spotting a little, and called the doctor just to make sure everything was ok. I wasn't too panicked, but you can't be too careful. They had me come in, did an exam, and of course, everything was fine. I continued to have occasional spotting for the next week or so, but it tapered off. What a way to start my 2nd Tri!

16 weeks brought our 2 year wedding anniversary, our 9th year together, and another ultrasound We got to see our little peanut on 10/20, our 9 year "dating" anniversary, and I begged the tech to give us her guess on the gender. We got our guess, but decided to hold off on the shopping spree until we get confirmation at our next ultrasound. Sadly, she only printed us 2 pictures, and they were not very good, so nothing to post here But we have our BIG ultrasound on 11/17-only a few short days away! So hopefully we'll get some great pics, and find out for sure what we're having-as long as peanut feels like cooperating, lol.

We got the results from the Sequential Screening, everything looked good. We screened negative for all 3 things, and my risk percentages looked good. So why it certainly doesn't rule out Down's, Trisomy 18, or Neural Tube Defects, it is a relief to know my chances are low.

My belly is starting to fill out, so I'm beginning to look a little pregnant, and not just fat. Well, in my opinion anyway. I can still wear my regular pants-if I cheat a little by looping a hair tie through the button hole and around the button to give me a little more room in the waist. Really, though, the maternity clothes are so much more comfortable! I still haven't felt any kicks, just some stretching pains so far I think. But I listen to the heartbeat every night, and I swear the doppler picks up the baby's movement as well. It's so cool!

That's about it for now. Here's my 19 week belly pics, and I promise to post again after our ultrasound on Tuesday!

Peanut update

It's been so long since I've posted, but honestly, it's been an uneventful few weeks. I seem to have avoided the brunt of morning sickness altogether. Aside from the obvious fatigue, I haven't been feeling pregnant at all, which of course keeps me nice and worried, lol. We went on vacation 8/31 to 9/7, no alcohol, no hot tub, and only 1 day of sun, but it was still nice to get away! We made our very first baby purchase, which I'm absolutely in love with. I had my first OB appointment, which was basically a consult and normal exam. Pap Smear, breast exam, and attempted ultrasound that didn't show much on the outdated machine.

I went for the 1st of 2 appointments for Sequential Screening tonight (9/15), which consisted of an ultrasound and a finger prick blood test. Basically they're looking for anything indicating a higher risk for Down's Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and Open Neural Tube defects. The abdominal ultrasound was a bit blurry, but it was amazing just the same. Our little peanut had eyes, a nose, a mouth, a chin, arms, legs, he's looking like a little baby for sure. He (or she) was wiggling around like crazy and waving his little arm at us. Peanut wouldn't sit still!! The heartbeat was 161bpm, so still going strong, and everything looked great so far!

I bought a Doppler off of Ebay, so hopefully I'll be able to listen to the little reassuring heartbeat on my own soon! I can't wait

Our First Baby Purchase

11 week 1 day Ultrasound

3rd Ultrasound 8-21-09-My little peanut

We went for the last of my weekly ultrasounds today, I'm not sure when I'll get another one. It's so amazing to see how my our little one grows in just 7 days. I'll really miss getting to see the progress. Hopefully I'll get another one soon. The baby is 14.14mm now and measuring 7 weeks 5 days. (S)he actually looks like an unshelled peanut now, though obviously much smaller. The little heartbeat was pounding away-up to 158bpm. The stupid doctor never turned the monitor to me so I could see, but Brad was able to. I just had to settle for the new picture and hearing the heartbeat again. Still absolutely wonderful It still blows my mind that I have this little life growing inside of me. I've wanted this for so long, it's very surreal. I've still managed to avoid morning sickness, by the grace of God. Pretty much I'm just really tired all of the time. The breast tenderness comes and goes (it's back today), and I still pee more than I used to. Other than that, nothing to speak of, and no complaints either way!

2nd Ultrasound 8/14/2009

We had such an amazing appointment today!!! Our little one has grown so much in only a week (S)he is 6.8mm and is measuring 6 weeks 4 days. The Dr. gave me an estimated due date of 4/5/2010. As soon as the probe was settled in one place and the picture was clear I could see the teeny tiny flicker of the heartbeat...it was so incredible!! Even better, we actually got to HEAR the heartbeat, I was/am overjoyed. It was such a relief to see our baby's heat just beating away, I wish we could have listened longer. It came in at 127 beats per minute, which the doctor said was good. I get to go back next Friday for one more ultrasound at the fertility center before they "graduate" me back to my regular OB/GYN. It will be so cool to see how much more the baby grows by then. So far, everything is going great!

Here Come the Symptoms! Week of 8/10/2009

Ok, so maybe not the bad and horrid ones that most women complain of, but this week I did start to feel pregnant. Granted, it's worse on somedays than others. I still have the frequent peeing I think I mentioned in an earlier blog. This week started the fatigue. Please understand, being overweight and diabetic, feeling tired is nothing new for me, but the last few days it's been more than usual. I like to go to bed early, but passing out on the couch at 7:30 is a bit much, even for me. Work is like endless torture. I envy all the women that get to take naps throughout the day, God, I wish I was that lucky. But please, don't think I'm complaining. I'm so happy to be pregnant, I'll take the good with the bad. I vowed to be the happiest pregnant lady ever-come what may-as long as my baby is healthy.

I think my food cravings and aversions are starting to kick in now too. I made tacos the other day and was nauseous as soon as I sat down to eat. I got through 3 of them, but I definitely didn't feel good after. Sometimes, I just stare at the food options around me and can't find anything that looks or sounds good. As for cravings, well, I'm not sure if they're real or just normal fat girl wants, but there's definitely been a few things I thought of and had to have. Brad's been really sweet about it. Yesterday I was running through different things that sounded good in my head and my thoughts landed on a Friendly's Chicken Parm Melt with french fries and buffalo sauce to dip the fries in. I actually emailed poor Brad a picture of it in an effort to make him see my point. I pretty much wrote it off though since we really don't have the money for take-out right now, so I was overjoyed when I asked Brad what he wanted for dinner. I was about to run off the list of his options when he said "I thought you wanted Friendly's?" What a good hubby!!

I've been pretty lucky in that the morning sickness has stayed away so far. I get a few instances of dizziness occasionally, but I think that could just be the fatigue. I've also avoided the dreaded constipation so far, yay! My breasts are only mildly tender these days and I don't feel bloated or anything. All in all, I feel great.

I guess the only downside to not succumbing to all the horrid symptoms is the fear the the baby is not growing or something is wrong. But I'm not cramping or bleeding, so there's no sign of any catastrophe as of yet. Hopefully our ultrasound on Friday will show some progress!!

1st Ultrasound 8-7-09

Brad and I went for our first ultrasound today. The doctor prepped us on what to expect, she said we could see a fetal pole and heartbeat, but that she wouldn't be at all concerned if we didn't. I could be anywhere from 5 1/2-6 weeks, but I was still disappointed to only have the gestational and yolk sacs. Doc said this was absolutely fine and it looked great. We go back next Friday for another ultrasound, hopefully we'll see more then. Grow baby grow!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sure everything's fine, but I'll feel so much better once I see that heartbeat! Anyways, here's a pic of the ultrasound and my first belly pic, also taken today.

3rd Beta 8/3/09

So the doctor's office called today with the results of yesterday's blood work. My HCG went from a 645 last Thursday to a 3,526 yesterday, and my Progesterone is up to 20! I was overjoyed. I'm really feeling like this is going to be a sticky little bean. Even better, they scheduled my first ultrasound! Brad and I go this Friday to see our little one and hopefully we'll get lucky and see or hear the heartbeat-even though it may still be too early. I am on cloud 9 today! I'm just so happy the pregnancy is moving along and I can't wait for my appointment on Friday!

Telling the folks

Well, we did it! Shared the news with the grandparents :). Friday night Brad and I went to my Grandfather's for a family get together. Not the most private place to give up information you aren't ready to share with the world yet, but oh well. By the time we got there, my dad had gone home because he wasn't feeling well. I decided to tell my mom anyway, figuring I'd stop off to see my dad on the way home and share the news with him too. I had photo cards made at CVS, as you can see in the pic below, for each of our parents. So I sat by my mom in the kitchen where they were very few people around and gave her the card. She started crying, so I hugged her and said "shhhhhhhhhhhhh". Lol, I tried to play it off by saying "we just wanted to do something nice for you guys" as loud as I could without being obvious. She was so happy! We swung by to see my dad as promised and showed him the card as well. He congratulated us and asked "how many?" lol, as in how many babies I was having. I'm like, um, ONE...no multiples for me! It was a reasonable question since he took my fertility treatments into consideration, but even with the Clomid, my chance of twins is only 7%, so it's not too likely. We chatted for a bit and then headed home. I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open-I guess the fatigue is starting to set in.

I got a call from my mom the next day. Apparently my cousin's girlfriend, who I had met for the first time the night before, had figured out I was pregnant and opened her stupid mouth to my aunt and God knows who else. It's annoying, but I'm not too mad. It's just a.) too early to tell the world and b.) our news to tell. Some people are so inconsiderate, but whatever. I'm too busy gloating over being pregnant to really care about the ignorant people in this world.

Next came the in-laws. We went over Brad's parents on Sunday for dinner. I had the same card for them as we gave my parents, and despite his earlier warning of "let's not do it right away" Brad eagerly brought me my purse without provacation while I was sitting on the couch and waited anxiously for me to pull the card out. His parents read it together and at first, his mom simply said "that's cute." Not exactly the reaction I was anticipating, but I waited. She flipped it over to read the personalized note I had written on the back which was addressed to "mum-mum and pot-pot" (pot-pot comes from the fact that we have a running joke about my father-in-law being a potted plant after a particular night down the shore. We think it's adorable, but he won't use it because he's afraid people will associate it with marijuana) Still, no reaction. She must have just gotten to the part that said "I'll be blooming in 9 months" when she burst with excitement. Lol, it was so funny, the whole time she had no idea what the card was trying to tell her. My father-in-law said "It's about time, I was wondering when you'd figure it out." It was great. Of course everyone is excited and we can't wait for all 4 of them to meet their grandbaby!

Our 2nd Beta 7-30-09

Well, my HCG went up!! Almost tripled from Monday to Thursday, from a 220 to a 645!!!!!!!!!! Yay! The nurse said that's exactly what they like to see. That means, so far, my little bean is doing good and growing appropriately. My Progesterone went from a 9.1 to an 11.6. I asked her what was the normal range they were looking for. She told me not to worry about it, they couldn't measure an appropriate level in my blood because I'm taking the suppositories, but I'm fine. I told her I'm freaking out, lol. She said not to fixate on it. And my thyroid was good too. Obviously it's still WAY early, but (if I go by my LMP), I'm already 5 weeks, 2 days. I'm happy things are progressing as they should. I'm still not really feeling many symptoms. My BB's are actually less tender so far today, though they tend to get progressively worse throughout the day, so we'll see how they feel later. Still no morning sickness, and I have a healthy appetite, not too much though. My body tells me when I'm hungry. Actually, by the time it tells me, I'm usually starving, lol. I'm peeing all the time now and occassionally am having trouble sleeping. Overall though, things are still going great.

Spilling the beans

t was my plan to tell our parents first-as soon as the pregnancy was confirmed, but let's be honest, things don't always go as planned. My best friend, Karen, is visiting from California this week, so we had a day planned on Monday (7/27). Another close friend of mine, Erica, was tagging along, so it was the 3 of us hanging out and gabbing, talking about old times, new times, and growing up. Karen doesn't really want kids as of right now, she's about to marry her soulmate and she has the life she loves. So she was talking about being grossed out by pregnancy (not really in a mean way) and started to say "when you get pregnant..." I just looked at her with a giant grin on my face and said "I am, I'm pregnant." They both congratulated me, but without much fanfare. I'm sure it didn't really come as a shock to them though. Later, another one of Karen's friends joined us, and has we were talking, I pretty much told her too. Brad was the next to spill. He told his boss, just in case he needed to adjust his schedule for the upcoming train of doctor's appointments. Next came happy hour Wednesday with our old manager and director from work to catch up. Of course, preggo me was drinking water. So when one of them asked me what I wanted and I said "I'm good" the cat was out of the bag. Without hesitation she said (all in one breath I think) "Why are you drinking water? Wait are you pregnant? Oh my God, you're pregnant!!!" Neither of us even said a word, but I'm sure my giant grin and Brad's smirk gave us away instantly. Let's see, from there I told one of my current supervisors and Brad told a friend. But we're done for now. Our parents just have to be the next to know!!

The First Blood Test 7/27/2009

I went for my first blood test on Monday, to confirm I am indeed pregnant. The nurse kindly called me late morning Tuesday to give me the results. My quantative HCG was 220 and my Progesterone level was 9.1. She said that my Progesterone level was a little low, not a cause for grave concern, but they started me on Progesterone Suppositories 2x a day to make sure my numbers stay where they should be. I consulted with alot of women who have gone through this, and I feel confident that it's really not a big deal. I go for another round of bloodwork tomorrow (7/30), and as long as my HCG numbers at least double, the baby is ok for now. I'm still so worried something will go wrong. I'm sure it's the natural reaction to all things pregnancy-especially when you fought so long just to see that little + sign. I'm really trying to stay cautiously optimistic and not stress myself out about it, but I can't help feeling like something could be wrong. Physically, I'm totally fine. I think that's part of what freaks me out. So far, none of the dreaded morning sickness or constipation. Just tender breasts and the beginnings of the frequent bathroom trips associated with being pregnant. But one step at a time, for now, I'm just overjoyed to be pregnant.

Oh Holy BFP! 7-25-2009

I was feeling incredibly down about this cycle. I was convinced that not only was I not pregnant, that I never would be. I vented to the wonderful women on the WebMD TTC 6 Months and Still Trying boards, and really just went through an all around pity party. My chart looked dismal to me, I really didn't see any hope. When my temperature dipped and the mild cramping started, I thought for sure AF was on her witchy way. Come Friday I decided to break down and buy some HPT's, since I was already at the drugstore and I still hadn't gotten my period. My intention was to not test until Tuesday if AF had still stayed away, but with all the encouraging posts on the message board and my huge temp jump Saturday morning, I just had to pee on a stick, lol. At first it looked like yet another disappointment, but all the sudden my eyes adjusted and I saw that + sign on the EPT. I couldn't believe it. All logic escaped me and I had to look at the directions for the test to make sure the + actually meant I was pregnant. Emotion took over me, I was sobbing and shaking, I just couldn't believe it. All the elaborate ways I had planned to tell Brad when this moment finally came were out the window, I walked out of the bathroom, two tests in hand, and he just looked at me dumbfounded. I can't blame him. It's a little scary when your wife comes out of the bathroom at 7:30am on a Saturday crying the way I was. I managed to sit next to him on the bed and shove the tests in his face, barely mumbling the words "we did it" in between my sobs. He said "I thought you were supposed to be happy?" I was happy. These were the happiest tears I'd ever cried. I was elated, overwhelmed with emotion. We finally did it!

I'm starting a movement...

It's dedicated entirely to the abolishment of Mondays. I hate them. I really, really do. Nothing good comes from Mondays. And I feel it's safe to say, unless you are happily unemployed or a drunken college student, you probably hate Mondays too. They're the dreaded end to whatever fun and/or relaxing things you did on the high holy days known as Saturday and Sunday. The beginning of another annoying, stressful, boring, and overall hellish work week. I'll be honest, if I had the remote control from Click, I would, without hesitation, fast forward the time between 7am Monday and 5:30pm Friday. I'm sorry, but it's unlikely I'd miss anything of importance.

I know what you all are thinking. If we abolish Mondays, then Tuesday will be the new Monday, and thus, what's the point? Not true my friends, not true. Ever worked a 4 day week? Was it not unequivocally better? Mondays are the bane of our existence. No good can come from them. None. Nada. Nil. So, for the sake of all our sanity, please, join me. Join the movement for the utter destruction of Mondays.

On another note, lol. I had a decent weekend (before, of course, being tainted by the horror that is a Monday morning). We enjoyed cocktails, burgers, and swimming with Joe and Mer Friday night. Unfortunately, we had to avoid the Jacuzzi since it's bad for Brad's swimmers and my eggs. It was chilly, but luckily the pool was heated, so as long as I stayed underwater I was warm. :) The RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist-you all will get used to my lingo) thought I'd ovulate on Friday, so imagine my serious annoyance at the fact that it's *sigh* Monday, and I have yet to have the temp spike indicative of an egg release. I have no idea what's up with that. At this point, I think if I ever get pregnant it will be a miracle.

So for now, the only positive thing I really have to look forward to is our yearly vacation to OBX. 48 days and counting. It can't come soon enough. Here's a peek at the gorgeous digs we'll be enjoying come September. Sadly, again, we'll be avoiding the hot tub, but other than that, couldn't be better!

http://www.midgettrealty.com/rental/house.html?ID=132

Trials and tribulations...ahhh the joys of TTC

If by some miracle there is so much as one person out there that doesn't already know, Brad and I are indeed trying to add a little human to our happy home.

For those of you that, like me, lived in fear of unplanned pregnancies throughout most of your life, let me tell you this: what a freaking joke. I realize that for some folks getting pregnant is about as easy as flipping on a light switch, but for others it's like pulling out your teeth. One at a time. Without anesthetic. Brad and I have been going through the motions for 10, going on 11, months now. I learned pretty quickly there was more to it than skipping the birth control. Thank God for the WebMD Trying to Conceive (TTC) message boards or I'd still be going by the information I learned in middle school health class. Not that it's done me much good. Without the gory details, let me just tell you that with irregular cycles it's a pain in the ass to time baby making. I'm not in college anymore. I don't have the stamina to do the deed everyday for 30 days straight. It's absurd. Sperm can live in optimal conditions for max 5 days, and that's streching it. An egg is "alive", so to speak, for 12-24 hours at best. So yeah, all those 16 year olds that get pregnant their "first time" are seriously cursed. There's about 5 days max in anyone's cycle that can result in pregnancy. Figures it's the ones that aren't trying that dumb luck their way into motherhood.

Me on the other hand. Well, it's taking my temperature at 7:15 every morning, even on the weekends. Nothing like the sound of your alarm bright and early on a Saturday. It's timing sex to the point that a good amount of the romance is gone, the spontaneity for sure. About 7 months into trying I decided to see a specialist. Since then it's 2 vaginal ultrasounds a month-oh joy, testing, bloodwork, fertility drugs. I can't tell you how much money I've spent on pregnancy tests. If I ever see those mythical 2 pink lines I may die of the shock. And oh so much more! It's mood swings, crying fits, self-pity, anger, hopelessness. It's clinging to every barely noticeable change in your body, any inkling that this could be it, clawing at the hope I can't kill no matter how hard I try.

I'm not a patient person. By any means. I seriously thought that I'd get knocked up right away. I fully expected to have my little one by now. God knows I'm not alone. Turns out a hefty portion of wanna be mommies struggle with trying to get pregnant. Even the healthiest of couples can take up to a year to concieve. Figures. Nothing's ever as easy as it seems. Yet all the trash out there that should have their legs glued together seem to pop out babies like pez. This universe sure is a wacky place.

I can say this with all certainty though: my child will be LOVED. There will never come a time when it will question whether it was wanted. And I know, without a doubt, that if this struggle, this journey, ultimately produces a tiny version of Brad and I, that I would do it all again in a heartbeat. There's nothing I want more in this world.

Life measured in lemons

So I've heard many variations of the old "when life gives you lemons" adage. It seems to me that all of us can base at least a smidgen of our makeup on which way we choose to interpret the old saying. I personally have found 3 favorites that stick out to me. 3 that best describe the different ways we deal with life.

Make lemonade. Ahhh, to be the person that always finds the positive in things. The sun on a cloudy day, the color in a sea of black, the meaning behind the most cryptic of words. You know the people that abide by this version. The ones that inevitably make you want to punch them in the face for their inhuman level of optimism. Sure, lemonade. Sorry, but I'm not made of sugar.






Find a guy with Vodka and throw a party. I'd say about 80% of the human population embraces this philosophy. It presents itself as a fusion of the peaches and fairy dust the Lemonaders are made of and the "screw it" attitude that comes with the ultimate indifference many of us prefer. Sure, these folks can still make the best of the situation. Give me lemons, I'll keep drinking until I'm poluted enough to not give a damn about the sour taste they leave behind. The Partyers take what comes...with a grain of salt.






Say f*ck the lemons and bail. How could this not be a favorite? The Bailers just don't give a sh*t. You can chuck lemons at their heads until there is a pool of sour juice and pulp at their feet, they'll just ignore you. Who wants to deal with a 10lb bag of yellow fruit anyway? Run away! they say. If you ignore it, it will eventually go away. These guys aren't pessimistic, per se, they just can't be bothered to deal with life. If it's not sweet, why put any effort into it? For example, when I began typing this blog this morning. And it sounded a thousand times funnier and more intelligent than this pile of dung. And I hit the clear button twice and it erased the whole damn thing. And I wanted to scream in frustration and throw my phone against the wall. BUT, instead, I said F it. And graced you with this half-assed version instead. Hope you like it. :)

It was bound to happen eventually...

As dull and insignificant as my life can feel after the doldrums of the everyday world eat away my very being, I somehow still think I'll find some relief through writing. Words and meaning never seem out of reach to me, my degree in English a standing testament to my love of writing and reading. But don't expect too much from this. It inevitably will evolve into a boring blog of rants and inconsequential happenings in my all but exciting life. So yes, this is more an outlet for me than a means to provide any measurable amount of insight to the rest of you. And moreso this is about the extent of how existential and deep as my wrting will be. From here on out I can promise you nothing more than the blurting of the trivial and meaningless events I succumb to with perhaps the glint of the occassional importance. :)