Trials and tribulations...ahhh the joys of TTC

If by some miracle there is so much as one person out there that doesn't already know, Brad and I are indeed trying to add a little human to our happy home.

For those of you that, like me, lived in fear of unplanned pregnancies throughout most of your life, let me tell you this: what a freaking joke. I realize that for some folks getting pregnant is about as easy as flipping on a light switch, but for others it's like pulling out your teeth. One at a time. Without anesthetic. Brad and I have been going through the motions for 10, going on 11, months now. I learned pretty quickly there was more to it than skipping the birth control. Thank God for the WebMD Trying to Conceive (TTC) message boards or I'd still be going by the information I learned in middle school health class. Not that it's done me much good. Without the gory details, let me just tell you that with irregular cycles it's a pain in the ass to time baby making. I'm not in college anymore. I don't have the stamina to do the deed everyday for 30 days straight. It's absurd. Sperm can live in optimal conditions for max 5 days, and that's streching it. An egg is "alive", so to speak, for 12-24 hours at best. So yeah, all those 16 year olds that get pregnant their "first time" are seriously cursed. There's about 5 days max in anyone's cycle that can result in pregnancy. Figures it's the ones that aren't trying that dumb luck their way into motherhood.

Me on the other hand. Well, it's taking my temperature at 7:15 every morning, even on the weekends. Nothing like the sound of your alarm bright and early on a Saturday. It's timing sex to the point that a good amount of the romance is gone, the spontaneity for sure. About 7 months into trying I decided to see a specialist. Since then it's 2 vaginal ultrasounds a month-oh joy, testing, bloodwork, fertility drugs. I can't tell you how much money I've spent on pregnancy tests. If I ever see those mythical 2 pink lines I may die of the shock. And oh so much more! It's mood swings, crying fits, self-pity, anger, hopelessness. It's clinging to every barely noticeable change in your body, any inkling that this could be it, clawing at the hope I can't kill no matter how hard I try.

I'm not a patient person. By any means. I seriously thought that I'd get knocked up right away. I fully expected to have my little one by now. God knows I'm not alone. Turns out a hefty portion of wanna be mommies struggle with trying to get pregnant. Even the healthiest of couples can take up to a year to concieve. Figures. Nothing's ever as easy as it seems. Yet all the trash out there that should have their legs glued together seem to pop out babies like pez. This universe sure is a wacky place.

I can say this with all certainty though: my child will be LOVED. There will never come a time when it will question whether it was wanted. And I know, without a doubt, that if this struggle, this journey, ultimately produces a tiny version of Brad and I, that I would do it all again in a heartbeat. There's nothing I want more in this world.